The other day I bumped into someone who mattered so much to me some years ago. LOST MY SENSES when i talked to him. Good heavens, it’s still the same feeling after 4yrs. and i was smiling the whole time after that.. The conversation was brief, but the effect was lasting….this song would best describe this feeling…Maybe he can hear me…

If i walk, would you run?
If i stop, would you come?
If i say you’re the one, would you believe me?
If i ask you to stay, would you show me the way?
Tell me what to say so you don’t leave me.
The world is catching up to you
While you’re running away to chase your dream
It’s time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i’m not ready
But I’ll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We’ve been hiding enough

If i sing you a song, would you sing along?
Or wait till i’m gone, oh how we push and pull
If i give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it’s the start of something beautiful.
Am i catching up to you?
While your running away to chase your dreams
It’s time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe i’m not ready
But I’ll try for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love

We’ve been hiding enough

I will try for your love
I can hide up above

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you’re the one would you believe me

 

 

 

 

A couple of days ago, this was my status on my facebook account..And it stirred up some reactions from well meaning friends. Abs told me “Relax dear… whatever it is, you can do it. =)”, Elvin told me “you can do it”.. and my co-tutor asked me “why are you losing your grip?”..

I thanked the friends who reacted and showed support but I was not too ready to tell my co-tutor why I seem to lose my grip. Well, it was one of those low days, when it felt like everything seems so wrong, there was no tutorial schedule for the first two weeks of january and someone who promised she would help me with my canada application has gone blurry. All these plus all the bills to pay made me sulk… Oh well, things are a bit better now…

• I finished a certificate course in caregiver.
• Landed a tutorial job.
• Did tutorial enrichment with pre-schoolers.
• Bought myself some new pairs of comfy shoes.
• Got annoyed with someone.
• Attended my high school batch reunion.
• Rekindle old relationships with friends.
• Met new friends.
• Got hooked on facebook…lolz!
• Missed meeting up with one of my long time friends.
• Had the best 10-day christmas break ever!
• Enjoyed moments with my tutorial kids.
• Met up with cousins over the holidays.
• Received gifts from tutorial kids.
• Got more holiday gifts.
• Indulged in some pampering activities.
• Enjoyed time with family and friends.
• Reconnected with a grade school friend.

The song “Grown  Up Christmas List” always top my list of favorite christmas songs.And it’s only a few days before christmas, I’m somehow done with my christmas shopping and that song seems to be speaking to me as if telling I should write something about my grown up christmas list. Here goes…

May justice be served in the Maguindanao massacre which killed 57 (and still counting) people.

May Mt. Mayon spare my hometown from its eruption.

That my family and loved ones be always in the best of health.

That my high school batch reunion be succesful.

That Rye wherever he is may find peace and contentment in his heart.

To be able to travel.

To meet the one….

—

I have posted the song because I soo love it….

Last Monday, my stuident requested if we could do tutorial session at her home. I grabbed the chance and she told me she needs my help in making a flash fiction. Now, that was a new word only to realize that it just a short story. She told me it was due Friday and as soon as I get back home, I thought of how to go about the story. It had to be less than 2000 characters and the words should be in a fifth grade language. And it has to be about a kid and a ball. Below is what I have written, which shall be submitted by her this Friday..

——-

THE TOY STORE

It was one of those beautiful Saturday evenings. I was quite early for the scheduled get together with my friends, so I had some hot chocolate at the nearby café. While waiting, I caught sight of a kid walking down the busy street, passing all the brightly lit shops and shoppers who were out buying gifts and presents for Christmas. Surprising, that nobody seemed to care about the kid yet I continued looking at where he was going and secretly followed him. He went straight to THE TOY SHOP, where he appeared to be transported to Fantasyland. A giant stuffed bear stood tall at the entrance and he looked so amazed at all the different toys on the shelves that reached all the way up the ceiling. Dolls of different shapes and sizes, toy cars and airplanes, robots of different designs could be found inside the store.

Once inside, he disappeared in the crowd, most of them were children who cannot seem to get enough of the toys that they see. I was just turning away to continue walking through the next shop when I saw the kid again staring at the box full of balls. He kept staring at the ball which has different colors. Then he picked it up and starts dribbling. He was looking at the ball with such joy spinning it around with his fingers yet when he looked at the price of it, he knew he just had to let go. He took one last look at the ball, and carefully returned it in the box. And slowly went away, his face gloomy and sad.

I watched him walk out of the shop, his face lost its’ cheerfulness. I got the ball from the box and checked on my wallet. I have enough to pay for the toy. I rushed out of the store, and run through the streets. I saw the kid sobbing on the corner. I handed him the ball. He looked at me surprised, and shyly got the ball. I saw his face lit up and started playing the ball.

I walked away with a happy heart.

A news magazine show at a local t.v.station is featuring 5 countries in Europe as their fifth anniversary presentation. Their frist stop was Paris, and I swear I was literally glued on the boob tube the entire time. The commercial breaks never bothered me at all. I don’t know what it is, but I have always been fascinated by Paris. My fascination with the place started way back in grade school when I happened to grab a copy of a magazine that showcased everything about the country and when I saw a photo of my cousin (who was then working in Paris), with the Eiffel Tower as her backdrop. From them, I have kept a goal in mind, to be able to go to Paris no matter how long it takes me. As I got more mature, I became interested with their culture and in school, when I took up my second course, I gladly volunteered to report on the country France. I had to report about the culture, the way of life, their food, their music their architecture and believe me my report sounded like I have been there myself..The next week, the show featured Belgium, and I realized it was as equally beautiful as France. Now I got more curious, not by the country anymore but by the continent. Now, I wanted to go to Europe. I hope this dream would soon become a reality.

By: Khalil Gibran: Nice words to ponder on..I have highlighted the lines which has strucked me the most:

My soul preached to me and taught me to love
that which the people abhor and befriend him
whom they revile.

My soul showed me that Love prides itself not
only in the one who loves, but also in the
beloved.

Ere my soul preached to me, Love was in my heart
as a tiny thread fastened between two pegs.
But now Love has become a halo whose beginning
is its end, and whose end is its beginning. It
surrounds every being and extends slowly to
embrace all that shall be.

~*~

My soul advised me and taught me to perceive the
hidden beauty of the skin, figure, and hue. She
instructed me to meditate upon that which the
people call ugly until its charm and delight
appear.

Ere my soul counselled me, I saw beauty like a
trembling torch between two columns of smoke.
Now since the smoke has vanished,
I see naught save the flame.

My soul preached to me and taught me to listen
to the voices which the tongue and the larynx
and the lips do not utter.

Ere my soul preached to me, I heard naught but
clamor and wailing. But now I eagerly attend
Silence and hear its choirs singing hymns of the
ages and the songs of the firmament announcing
the secrets of the Unseen.

~*~

My soul preached to me and instructed me to
drink the wine that cannot be pressed and cannot
be poured from cups that hands can lift or lips
can touch.

Ere my soul preached to me, my thirst was like a
dim spark hidden under the ashes that can be
extinguished by a swallow of water.
But now my longing has become my cup, my
affections my wine, and my loneliness my
intoxication; yet, in this unquenchable thirst
there is eternal joy.

My soul preached to me and taught me to touch
that which has not become incarnate; my soul
revealed to me that whatever we touch is part of
our desire. But now my fingers have turned into mist
penetrating that which is seen in the universe
and mingling with the Unseen.

My soul instructed me to inhale the scent that
no myrtle or incense emits.

Ere my soul preached to me,
I craved the scent of perfume in the
gardens or in flasks or in censers.
But now I can savor the incense that is not
burnt for offering or sacrifice. And I fill my
heart with a fragrance that has never been
wafted by the frolicsome breeze of space.

My soul preached to me and taught me to say,
“I am ready” when the Unknown and
Danger call on me.

Ere my soul preached to me, I answered no voice
save the voice of the crier whom I knew, and
walked not save upon the easy and smooth path.
Now the Unknown has become a steed that I can
mount in order to reach the Unknown; and the
plain has turned into a ladder on whose steps
I climb to the summit.

My soul spoke to me and said, “Do not
measure Time by saying, ‘There was yesterday,
and there shall be tomorrow.’ ”

And ere my soul spoke to me, I imagined the Past
as an epoch that never returned, and the Future
as one that could never be reached.
Now I realize that the present moment contains
all time and within it is all that can be hoped
for, done, and realized.

My soul preached to me exhorting me not to limit
space by saying, “Here, there, and yonder.

Ere my soul preached to me, I felt that wherever
I walked was far from any other space.

Now I realize that wherever I am contains all
places; and the distance that I walk embraces
all distances.

My soul instructed me and advised me to stay
awake while others sleep. And to surrender to
slumber when others astir.

Ere my soul preached to me, I saw not their
dreams in my sleep, neither did they observe my vision.

Now I never sail the vessel of my dreams unless
they watch me, and they never soar into the sky
of their vision unless I rejoice in their freedom.

~*~

My soul preached to me and said, “Do not be
delighted because of praise, and do not be
distressed because of blame.”

Ere my soul counselled me, I doubted the worth
of my work. Now I realize the trees blossom in Spring
and bear fruit in Summer without seeking praise; and
they drop their leaves in Autumn and become
naked in Winter without fearing blame.

My soul preached to me and showed me that I am
neither more than the pygmy, nor less than the
giant.

Ere my soul preached to me, I looked upon
humanity as two men: one weak, whom I pitied,
and the other strong, whom I followed or
resisted in defiance. But now I have learned
that I was as both are and made from the same elements.
My origin is their origin, my conscience is their conscience,
my contention is their contention, and my pilgrimage
is their pilgrimage.

If they sin, I am also a sinner. If they do
well, I take pride in their well-doing. If they
rise, I rise with them. If they stay inert, I
share their slothfulness.

~*~

My soul spoke to me and said, “The lantern
which you carry is not yours, and the song that
you sing was not composed within your heart,
for even if you are a lute fastened with strings,
you are not the lute player.”

~*~

My soul preached to me, my brother, and taught
me much. And your soul has preached and taught
as much to you. For you and I are one, and there
is no variance between us save that I urgently
declare that which is in my inner self, while
you keep as a secret that which is within you.
But in your secrecy there is a sort of virtue.

In a recent conversation I had with a friend, one question stirred up quite a reaction from me and I was even prompted to write an entry about it…She asked: “if you were to go back in time, to what point in your life would you wanna go back?”…After giving it a thought,  I said I wanted to go back to my college days. First year, second semester to be precise. It was the time when I caught sight of this guy who was  to be my “crush” for my entire college days. He was from a different course, but we were classmates on one minor subject and like in my previous entries when I talked about him, my world stopped, my heart beat so hard, the moment he stepped in the room. I would have made friends with him instead of trying to not make my huge crush on him too obvious, by just playing it safe – by pretending to just be one of his many classmates inside the classroom. If I have been brave enough, I would have been able to be on speaking terms with him and would have openly support him in everything that he did in the campus and who knows, maybe until now we would still be friends and even beyond that. I wouldn’t have wondered how he has been ten years after college and not just be contented with seeing pictures of him in some social networking sites.

He is now based in CAlifornia, I know he had kids already but I’m not sure if he is married. What I know is that he is living  a good life in the U.S. and I am just glad to find out that he never forgets the same school where he first took his first three years in college. Then I ask again, if we were friends back in college, would I be writing a different entry..Just a nice thought. ^-^

This song always makes me cry…..

 

A) FOUR JOBS I’VE HAD IN MY LIFE:

1. STAFF ASSISTANT – best job I had in terms of experience and practice. This was also where I stayed the longest and where I dealt with a perfectionist and seemingly eccentric boss (talk about preparing her breakfast of cereals, heating her lunch in the microwave, dealing with her daily tantrums..lolz!)…Yet, she treats us on christmas, never fails to send us gifts, always excited about parties…This work not only made me deal with clients but with managers and supervisors and heads of the company’s regional business units as well.

2. CUSTOMER SERVICE REP – this probably made me more adept in dealing with people from diverse backgrounds..It is in this job that I learned to assert myself more,and where my decision making skills was put to test all the time..even if client interactions were only through phone, this actually stressed me out the most….I was never the one who easily gives in to client’s whims and wants, i too am an irate csr, so much so there’s an irate customer…

3. TUTOR – was doing this as a part-time work, but I enjoyed this so much because I get to share my knowledge to my student…I also get to help him do his projects, homework and do positive reinforcement every time.

4. A GROUCHY BOSS’ SHOCK ABSORBER – the shortest time I ever stayed in a job, was hired as a secretary for a retirable old maid, and apparently the experience made me feel I was thrown to hell…Everyday, I had to deal with an always irate boss for no reason at all..Guess, old maids are like that – grouchy and shitty! lolz! Resigned after two months and I felt sooo FREE….

B) FOUR JOBS I WANT IN MY LIFE:

1. RADIO DJ – my love for music and my love for people may be best showcased in a job like this…and the perks are just superb – you get to meet famous singers and celebrities both local and international…there are also opportunities to fo abroad and interview celebrities…

2. Wedding/Party Organizer/Coordinator – would like to put my sense of creativity and eye for details to good use. I love beautiful weddings, well-organized parties and events, and plus I love meeting people from all sorts of life.

3. Musical Scorer for tv/film – my love for music would be best seen here…

4. Chef- i love to cook, i love to eat..why not be a chef?…lolz!

C) FOUR MOVIES I WOULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AND OVER:

1. The Sound of Music -grew up watching it…

2. When A Man loves A Woman – Just what woman won’t cry and swoon over the love of Andy Garcia for his wife, as shown in this film.

3. My Best friends Wedding – this made me cry, after all it’s hard letting  go of a best friend who has found a partner in life…..

4. Mamma Mia – love musicals and this one’s one of the best!

D) FOUR PLACES WHERE I HAVE LIVED:

1. Albay – where Mt. Mayon is..

2. Manila – where I am now because of work…(haven’t lived anywhere else other than these two.)

E) FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE TO WATCH:

1. House M.D.
2.Grey’s Anatomy

3.MTV

4. Ellen

F) FOUR THINGS I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT (OTHER THAN THE BASICS):

1. Wallet – who can live without it? This is where my stuff is…

2. Internet Access – whether at home or in a cafe, surfing makes me forget a lot of things…..lolz!

3. Black Pen – it just comes in handy when I needed to sign whatever…lolz!

4. Phone – somehow this has become a necessity…

G) 4 WEBSITES I VISIT DAILY:

1. Facebook.com – getting the hang of it and enjoying it…

2. Yahoo! Mail / Hotmail – to check on my mails

3. blogspot/wordpress – got my blogs on these platforms

4. jasonmagbanua.com – i’m such a big fan of the man…

H) FOUR OF MY FAVORITE FOODS:

1. pesto-love,love it!

2. chocolate chip cookies- my comfort food

3. adobo – dry and oily, please….lol!

4. lechon – need i say more???

I) FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:

1. Canada – keeping my fingers crossed…

2. California – having lunch with my very good friend Romel

3. Music 21/Centerstage – videoke….

4. Subic Yacht Club -relaxin’…..

J) FOUR OF MY FAVORITE PERFUMES:

1. Perry Ellis 360
2. Joe Malone
3. VS Pure Seduction

4. Gucci ENVY me

K) FOUR OF MY FAVORITE MUSICALS:

1. Miss Saigon (with the original cast)
2. Mamma Mia!
3. Rent
4. Les Miserables

M) FOUR FAMOUS PEOPLE I WOULD LOVE TO MEET – DEAD OR ALIVE :

1. Hugh Grant

2. Barrack Obama – Will ask him how he felt, assuming office in a nation filled with debts his predecessors have caused and what we now call as recession

3. Brad Pitt and George Clooney – come on, they count as one because I’d like to meet them both on one occasion or place….

4. My soul mate or a partner in life that would be perfect for me…..-won’t explain further..lolz!

N) FOUR THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY:

1. Everyday-each day brings new things to us
2. Money – who doesn’t want this….

3. A cup of cappuccino

4. A nice pair of shoes….